


The Wedding Night

by TeamGwenee



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Humor, Swearing and discussions of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 11:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10898736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamGwenee/pseuds/TeamGwenee
Summary: Jaime and Brienne have been waiting for this moment for so long, but it doesn't quite go as expected.





	The Wedding Night

Jaime closed the heavy door with a thud, cutting him and his new wife off from the sound of music and merry-making echoing throughout Winterfell.

Starks, Lannister, Targaryens, every House that gathered to fight and defeat the White Walkers, bore witness to the union of Jaime Lannister and Brienne of Tarth. For the last five hours they had been surrounded with laughter and chatter, growing hot amongst the pressing crowds of people. The blessed silence was welcome. Jaime pressed his forehead against the door and took a calming breath, before turning to face Brienne with a smile.

“Thank the Seven that's over with,” he declared.

Brienne, who had struggled greatly with all the attention directed at the two of them, nodded in agreement. “It's been a long day,” she said.

There was a short silence, and Jaime slowly regarded the bed sitting at the centre of the room. Candles flickered in the low light and warm, soft furs were piled welcomingly over the bed. Brienne followed his gaze. The two stared at the bed in silence before looking once more at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move.

“Well,” Jaime said finally, “Shall we do this?”

Brienne gulped ever so slightly and nodded. Seeing Brienne was not going to move to him, Jaime reached out for her. He went to kiss her on the lips, but Brienne misunderstood and turned so he could kiss her cheek, resulting in Jaime planting his lips awkwardly on her jaw.

“Right,” he said, “Let's try that again,”

This time he actually managed to get her on the mouth, but that was the only improvement. There was too much teeth and Brienne's tongue just sat there like a dead slug, unsure of what to do. Jaime pulled back and judging by the look on Brienne's face, she was as unimpressed as he was.

Jaime had only ever kissed Cersei, and she had always claimed to enjoy it. But then again, no doubt she claimed to have enjoyed the kisses of all the other men she had lain with whilst swearing her undying love to Jaime.

Jaime saw now that he was woefully under-experienced. And the less said about Brienne's past kisses, the better.

Brienne nibbled her lips nervously, unsure of what to do. Jaime offered up an uneasy laugh.

“I think that needs some work,”

Brienne nodded, staring at the ground and blushing furiously.

Jaime sighed, it was going to be a long night.

#

“Are you fucking telling me,” Bronn demanded over a tankard of beer, “That on your fucking wedding night, all you did was kiss and cuddle in bed?”

“There was also some hand stuff, but I think that might have been an accident,”

Tyrion shook his head. “I cannot believe this. After all this time, after all the waiting and pining-”

“And eye-fucking,” Bronn added.

“All you could bring yourself to do was kissing and some accidental hand stuff?”

Jaime gulped down his ale and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “That's the problem. We've had these feelings for so long, and our expectations have built up so high. What if the whole thing turns out to be dissapointing?”

“You're making too big a deal of it. Sex is just sex,” Bronn declared, “Just go in there and get it over with. If it makes it any easier, get drunk first. Then you'll barely remember it,”  
“I don't want my first time with Brienne to be some clumsy, drunken fumbling!” Jaime said in disgust, “I want it to be special. She deserves that,”

“Oh please,” Bronn scoffed, “Sex isn't special. I've had as many whores as your brother's had glasses of wine,”

“Not possible,” Tyrion said, “You'd have caught the pox by now,”

“How is it that you've not fucked before?” Bronn asked, “There must have been moments when the heat was getting to you,”

“There were,” Jaime conceded, “But I held back. Brienne always wears armour and I've only got the one hand to take it off her. Once all those buckled and straps are undone, the moment would have ended,” he finished his beer, “And then it's just awkward for everybody,”

#

Brienne had been for a long gallop in the snow, riding off the night's disappointment. Returning to the stables, Brienne found herself face to face with the Queen Daenerys. Despite having a selection of three dragons to ride, the Targaryen Queen's time with the Dothraki had left her a superb horsewoman and she never went long without a ride.

“Lady Brienne,” the Queen greeted her with a smile, having always held the strong warrior woman in high esteem, “And how do you fare this morning?”  
Brienne bowed stiffly. “Well, your Grace,”  
Dany raised an eyebrow. “Only well?” she said, “I would have thought you would have been more than well. Nor did I expect to see you on the saddle again so soon,”

Brienne blushed. “I am not sure I know of what you speak, your Grace,”

Dany smirked “Oh, I'm sure you do,”

Brienne stubbornly refused to answer, and continued tending to her horse. Dany watched her in consternation, before laying a gentle hand upon the other woman's arm.

“Did something happen?” she asked.

“No your Grace,” Brienne replied, “Nothing happened,”

“Oh,” Dany said, her eyes widened, “Oh!”

Brienne ignored her and went on grooming her horse.

“You know,” Dany said, “If you find yourself in need of instruction, I find that turning to the aide of another woman can be extremely helpful and reassuring. If you do find yourself in need of a demonstration, then I'm sure that Queen Yara will can be obliged upon to assist me,”

“Your Grace?” Brienne stammered.

Dany patted her arm and gave her a quick wink, “Just a thought,” she said, before sauntering off, leaving a gob smacked Brienne in her wake.

#

Jaime had finished sparring with Bronn when he saw the hairy ginger Wilding fucker approach him. Tormund Giantsbane strode across the training yard, bellowing as he walked.

“Lannister! Is it true that you've left your poor bride a maid still?”

Jaime glowered. “What's it to you? The Lady Brienne is none of your concern, least of all the state of her maidenhood,”  
Tormund drew to a halt before Jaime and loomed over him.

“I knew you'd let her down. A fine woman like that needs a real man. Not some silver tongued pretty boy!”

“Well then,” Jaime scoffed, “If that were the case you'd be perfect for her. You had better find out if she wants her men to smell like a fisherman's privy also, you could add that to your list of charms,”

Tormund growled through his beard. “I should have made with her when I had the chance, let her know what a proper shagging is like, before she threw herself on the likes of you. Maybe I still will,”

Jaime grabbed the back of Tormund's wild, tangled mane of hair and pressed the hook Brienne had gifted him against Tormund's throat.

“Never go near her,” he hissed. “If you do, I will cut your cock off and shove it down your throat. Then you can form a club with Lord Varys and Theon Greyjoy. I'm sure they'd be thrilled to welcome you,”

“You can try, Pretty Boy,” Tormund snarled, “But you'll lose your cock long before I lose mine. Not that it'd make any difference you-”  
“Gentlemen!” a voice cried.

Jaime and Tormund turned to see Ser Davos walk towards them. “Is there a problem here?” he asked.

Jaime released Tormund and approached Ser Davos.

“If that Wildling fucker ever comes near Lady Brienne,” he said, “I will kill him,” Jaime smiled pleasantly and grasped Ser Davos's shoulder “Just a head's up,”

#

“My dear Lady Brienne,” Brienne looked up to see the estimable Lady Olenna Tyrell approach her, a twinkle in her eye. Brienne smiled back uneasily, she liked the Tyrell matriarch and knew she liked her. That still didn't make the Lady Olenna any less terrifying.

“I hear that you and Ser Jaime have been experiencing some difficulties,” she said, startling Brienne with her forthright manner.

“How did you-”  
“All of Winterfell is discussing it,” Lady Olenna said, “And I want to offer you my sympathies, as well as some advice,”

“That really isn't necessary-”

“My late Lord husband was not, shall we say, a roaring lion in bed. I am afraid that his sigil suited him all too well in that respect, very much a delicate rose. And for a young woman such as I, you can imagine my frustration. I ended up being forced to pleasure myself more often than not. Although now that I lack desirable partners, I find that the practise has been most beneficial,”

Brienne could only watch in horror as the Lady Olenna went on, whilst desperately looking for an out.

“Of course, there are some positions that you could use to make things more... stimulating. I would be happy to talk you through them,”

“Oh no,”

“There is one that I always found particularly pleasurable. You lay back like so,”

“Please stop,”

“Now, your place your hands above your head and spread your legs. Come here and I will show you,”

“Stranger take me,”

#

“So you suggest oral?” Jaime clarified.

King Jon nodded. “Oh definitely. I was so nervous about my first time, but when I was in that cave and she stood before me, bone naked, everything just came naturally,”

“And she liked it,”

“Oh yes!”

“But what did you do that she liked?”

Jon's forehead furrowed as he tried to remember. “It's hard to explain. I did this thing with my tongue...” he trailed off and instead tried to demonstrate.

It was when watching King Jon try to perform cunnilingus on thin air, that Jaime decided to cut the conversation short.

#

Varys shook his head in mild amusement. “Well,” he said, “I am glad that I am spared such complications,”

Grey Worm nodded in serious agreement. “Definitely,” he said, pouring himself and his companion another glass of wine.

As they drank, Theon Greyjoy wept silently in the corner.

#

When Jaime returned once more to his chambers, it was to find Brienne sitting beside the fire, gazing into its depths with a stricken look on her face.

“What's wrong?” he asked her.

She turned to face him, her blue eyes wide with horror. “Lady Olenna tried to help with our problem earlier. She was very... informative,”  
Jaime shuddered. “Now that's a picture I will never get out of my head,”  
Brienne didn't respond. She looked so despondent that Jaime reached over and wrapped her in his arm.

“Don't worry Brienne,” he said, “We'll work it out in time. There's no need to rush. Regardless of what everyone says,”

Brienne's lips thinned.

“This castle is bursting at the seams with warring families. We have fought White Walkers alongside dragons and with magic swords. You would think that maybe, just maybe, they would have something more important to talk about than our sex life!” she fumed.

Jaime rolled his eyes. “Oh please,” he said, “People have always been obsessed with my sex life. They even started a bloody war over it,”

 


End file.
